Tuesday, April 2

Miss Like Crazy

I don't think I'll get through writing this without crying, so if it gets confusing, I'm sorry.


Around 3 years ago, I was excited. Not just a little excited, though. I was super excited because a family that we had been praying for so long had finally gotten saved. First the parents, then all the kids. Then they got baptized!

I don't know how many nights I had stayed up, crying and praying for them, begging God to show them His love in the months that everything was going on. I remember laying in my bed, listening to my parents witness to these people and telling God that I knew something good would come out of it, even if it was just one of them to get saved. I had many sleepless nights, but I didn't care about it as long as they were listening.

Something happened though. He decided he was going to Bible school. When they first told this, I didn't want to believe it. I wanted them to stay close. They were at our house so much and they were like family. The night they left, I sat on my bed on the top bunk and cried until I had no more tears to cry. I wanted them to still live close and 3 hours away was too far.

They left in August that year and came to visit a few times, but in the coming January, they came for a surprise visit. It was, and might always be, the best surprise ever. Nobody knew they were coming and when I opened the door and saw them, it didn't really click, but then once it did... I screamed and cried and jumped up and down. I had missed them so much and I just couldn't believe they were at our house.

In April, 2 years ago, we moved to the area. I was sad to be leaving the home I'd known for so many years, but I was excited because I was getting to be able to explore a bit and be close to them again. They were one of the reasons, I think, that it never really hit me we were 3 hours from where I'd called home for 13 years. It wasn't for a few months that it finally hit, but even then it wasn't so bad.

Now, some stuff has happened. I don't really know what, but we don't talk anymore. And I thought that nothing would ever stop us from talking. It's been a year now. I miss her hugs and our talks. She was always there for me and I knew if I ever needed anything, she would be there. But she's not anymore. I still see her around and stuff, but every time I do it makes me miss her a lot.

I wish that the last few months she had been around. I might have listened to her instead of getting myself into the mess I got into. She probably would have told me that I needed to smarten up and that I had my head in the clouds. She would have been there when I got hurt and told me "I told you so." but wouldn't rub it in. She'd just be there for me.
She wasn't there, though. She only lived down the world, but she might as well live across the world and I wish she knew what went on. She would probably be mad at me, like everyone else, but it would be worth it just to talk to her.

She called me her girl and used a nickname for me that no one else has ever used. In a way, I still think of myself as her girl, even though she most likely doesn't. Nothing will ever stop me from loving her and her family. I miss them like crazy and I love them.

To her: If you ever read this, I hope you know how much I wish things were different. You are always in my heart and mind and I pray for you and your family. I just wish I knew what it was that created it....


Hopefully that makes sense. My head is all jumbled and my thoughts aren't coming out right. But that's what's on my mind right now.